Forever 18

I was feeling a bit successful as I ventured to my counseling appointment in a nearby town alone. It was only a few months after the accident, so even though I could not put weight on my foot, I was getting proficient on the scooter. I decided to head to a few stores to pick up items, and I needed to run by Bed, Bath, and Beyond for a gift.  

I got the registry and headed through the store with speed. After I found the wedding gift, I handed it to the clerk and asked her to leave it at the front so I could peruse the clearance areas. And then standing over the clearance table, it hit me. Hard. 

With tears streaming down my face, I realized I would never get to pick out wedding gifts with Sophia. She would be forever 18 in my mind, and I would miss many huge life events with her. I will never see her…

          -  walking across the stage for her high school diploma
        -  eyes light up as she tells me about finding Mr. Right
        -   dancing with Richard on her wedding day
         -  face light up in excitement when she tells me she’s pregnant
         -   raising my grandchildren
       -   trying to hid the gray in her hair
        -   holding my hand as I age

Inspirational speakers will tell us to look forward and not dwell on the past, but in this situation, I have to hold fast to those memories we shared, not the ones we will never have.

We have done amazing things with Sophia in her 18 years:

                  -   Skiing in Colorado
        -   See her get baptized
       -    Backpacking in the Cohutta Wilderness
        -   Watching her dance and sing on stage
       -   Seeing her love many different types of people
       -  Plan a Minion 18^th birthday party

                 -  Run a family marathon relay

I hope that with each birthday that passes, we will be able to focus on those things we shared more than those we did not. She lived a wonderful life and is loved by many. I simply wish I had more years to love her on this earth.