The family was all gathered in the waiting room at Vanderbilt hospital awaiting the doctor’s report. The year was 1994, and we were anxious to hear if Daddy came through his lengthy brain surgery intact. Doctors and nurses came to the waiting room to tell families their loved ones were doing well, so I knew immediately something was wrong when our family was called to a back room so the doctor could talk to us.
There had been some complications and Daddy had a massive stroke during surgery. His entire left side was not responsive, and he would be in the ICU for many days that followed. The doctors informed us over the next week of many issues he had because of vasculitis of the central nervous system. They said he would never walk again, he suffered vision loss, and his memory would be compromised.
Daddy was later released to the rehab hospital, and after being home for a while, James and I returned to Nashville for a visit. James, just months old, was in his carrier and we took the elevator to the third floor. As the doors slid open, tears immediately flooded my eyes. There was my daddy, the rock of my life, sitting in a wheelchair, down to about 135 pounds. Because of the left-side neglect of his vision, he didn’t see me which was a blessing because I had time to gather my composure before approaching him.
Those months that followed I prayed hard for healing. I read and prayed healing scripture for him and had faith that God could and would allow him to be totally healed. My dad’s stubbornness paid off and healing did take place, yet not as much as I wanted. He did walk again, but for the next 16 years until his death, he suffered with many medical issues. It was hard for me to rationalize how my high school math teacher and one of the smartest men I knew, now worked out Saxon Math sheets daily to keep his mind as sharp as possible.
I clung to specific passages that are highlighted in my tattered Bible that still has Lynda Ruth Sumner on the front. Daniel, chapter 3, is the story of when Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were being thrown in the blazing furnace. They proclaimed, “The God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand. But even if He does not….” These men of God go on to proclaim they will not serve or worship the gods of King Nebuchadnezzar.
I never knew how the life trials in my 20s would help sustain me through the death of Sophia. It was months after her funeral that I realized the song “Even If” by Mercy Me, that was sung during her life celebration, was about those same verses that carried me through Daddy’s sickness.
Here are some of the lyrics to that touching song:
I know your able and I know you can Save through the fire with your mighty hand But even if you don’t, my hope is you alone. I know the sorrow and I know the hurt Would all go away if you just say the word, But even if you don’t, my hope is you alone.
I know we are living in life-altering times during this world-wide pandemic, but while we are home with our families, we have the opportunity to instill in them the faithfulness of God. Parents, teach your children that life is not fair. After all, if it is fair, we would all be destined to eternal hell. Teach them instead to stand on the promises that God will be with us through these trials and difficult times.
Don’t save your children from conflict, from getting a B in 9th grade, or don't call another parent to work out an issue that teenagers need to navigate. Don’t let them believe God is like Santa Claus just passing out blessings and protecting them from all devastation. Don’t protect your children to the point that when life around them shatters, they don’t have the skills to deal with the hurt, the anguish, and the tears.
Life will deal us all a heavy blow, if we live long enough. Let me repeat: Life WILL deal us all a heavy blow. We have to be prepared to handle it and clearing the disappointments from your child’s life doesn’t do him or her any favors. The child needs to develop skills to handle those devastations.
I wish I could say our family motto is a beautiful Bible verse, but it’s not. It is “Suck it up.” There was not a lot of sugar coating the truth around this house. I always loved them, but I loved them way too much to prop them up on false narratives and empty clichés. If they wanted to succeed, they needed to work hard. If they wanted good grades, I’d help them study, but the result would be because of their hard work, or sometimes lack thereof.
But these boys – no, men – learned first-hand that life indeed was not fair. Yet, they stood behind their sister’s casket at her funeral, and proclaimed that God is still good while life's situation seemed completely bleak. They knew life was hard, they knew they had to suck it up, but more importantly they knew and know that God's promises are true. God doesn’t rescue us from all our troubles; he holds our hand as we walk through these difficult times together.
The song continues with It’s easy to sing When there’s nothing to bring me down. What will I say When I’m held to the flame like I am right now.
Now, as the fire still smolders around me, I continue to be forged while I proclaim God’s goodness in this life among continuing trials. And I will be forever grateful for a Godly daddy that gave me that example through his own struggles and showed me how to smile when life does not go quite like I planned.
