Hope at Christmas

*Me and Sophia, Christmas 2015 in Keystone, Colorado.

Hope seems to eludes me. Hope for restoration, hope for healing, hope for answers. 

For three and a half really long years there have been changes in our family members, daily physical pain, and surgeries - three to be exact. And while the surgeries were supposed to put together my ankle, it continues to deteriorate. Seven screws, upwards of 20 incisions, a hundred or so stitches, and there still is no good answer to my ankle problems.   

The last surgery which was a total ankle replacement surely was the key. Cut some of the dying bone out, lego pieces of implant up the tibia and voila, I should be able to walk pain free and without a limp. But it didn’t work. And not only do I not walk with a limp, but I also currently cannot walk unassisted at all. The scooter I “borrowed” three years ago has again become my main form of transportation.

Eight months after the last surgery, I knew things were not improving. I was at a lost. I didn’t know where to go or who to turn to for help. My current doctor wanted to do another surgery that would “probably” work….no thank you; not interested. I honestly can’t go through more surgeries annually as they try and put back together something that quite honestly might not be able to mend.  

I began my own personal medical search for other great ankle doctors. There must be someone else out there with some wisdom and options that don’t include surgery. I searched on the web, read websites, and critiqued medical schools. There are many doctors that appear good, but how do I really know? Maybe they had a good webmaster that makes them appear better than their skills.

While I searched, I continued to get worse. And while the world moves on, as it must, I’m still left depending on others. I am back to crawling up the stairs, calling on friends to take the garbage can to the road, and asking for assistance in changing lightbulbs in the ceiling. It’s exhausting. Not just physically, but I’m tired of leaning on others for what should be the simple tasks of life. 

Through a friend at work, I was finally able to locate another ankle specialist, and I immediately began to have hope. Hope that this doctor had the answers. Hope his skill level and experience were what I needed. I began months of trying to get in to see him, but while the pain continued, the sheer anticipation of knowing there was someone out there that could help me, made me feel better. I still couldn’t walk, I was still in pain, but I had hope there were answers to my many questions. Hope just knowing there is one whose knowledge I can lean on for my health.

Our hearts at Christmas should hold tightly to hope. Hope there is that One who knows the answers to our questions; One who has our best interests at heart; One who is sovereign through it all.

The anticipation of knowing we can have eternity with Christ should give us hope. A child, born in the lowest of circumstances, brought hope to the world. Hope that our sins are forgiven and have been cast as far as the east is from the west. Hope in His expected return when we will meet Him face to face.

Isaiah 40:31 says, “But they that hope upon the Lord, will renew their strength.” The Hebrew word in this text for hope, or wait as it is many times translated, means to hopefully watch for God to act. I’m going to hopefully watch and wait for God to act and renew my strength!

I have placed my hope in a new doctor, and while I only understand a small portion of the attempts to heal my body properly, my doctor lays out a plan.

My earthly mind can only partially understand the vastness and goodness of God. But I have placed my hope in God, knowing that He lays out my life that works into His sovereign plan. Though this life has brought much brokenness and pain, I trust and have hope in the future as I continue to walk – well, let’s say ride my scooter - with Christ in this journey.

Merry Christmas, and may you experience the hope of Christ this season.