Even If….

The family was all gathered in the waiting room at Vanderbilt hospital awaiting the doctor’s report. The year was 1994, and we were anxious to hear if Daddy came through his lengthy brain surgery intact. Doctors and nurses came to the waiting room to tell families their loved ones were doing well, so I knew immediately something was wrong when our family was called to a back room so the doctor could talk to us.  

There had been some complications and Daddy had a massive stroke during surgery. His entire left side was not responsive, and he would be in the ICU for many days that followed. The doctors informed us over the next week of many issues he had because of vasculitis of the central nervous system. They said he would never walk again, he suffered vision loss, and his memory would be compromised.   

Daddy was later released to the rehab hospital, and after being home for a while, James and I returned to Nashville for a visit. James, just months old, was in his carrier and we took the elevator to the third floor. As the doors slid open, tears immediately flooded my eyes. There was my daddy, the rock of my life, sitting in a wheelchair, down to about 135 pounds. Because of the left-side neglect of his vision, he didn’t see me which was a blessing because I had time to gather my composure before approaching him.  

Those months that followed I prayed hard for healing. I read and prayed healing scripture for him and had faith that God could and would allow him to be totally healed. My dad’s stubbornness paid off and healing did take place, yet not as much as I wanted. He did walk again, but for the next 16 years until his death, he suffered with many medical issues. It was hard for me to rationalize how my high school math teacher and one of the smartest men I knew, now worked out Saxon Math sheets daily to keep his mind as sharp as possible.  

I clung to specific passages that are highlighted in my tattered Bible that still has Lynda Ruth Sumner on the front. Daniel, chapter 3, is the story of when Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were being thrown in the blazing furnace. They proclaimed, “The God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand. But even if He does not….” These men of God go on to proclaim they will not serve or worship the gods of King Nebuchadnezzar.   

I never knew how the life trials in my 20s would help sustain me through the death of Sophia. It was months after her funeral that I realized the song “Even If” by Mercy Me, that was sung during her life celebration, was about those same verses that carried me through Daddy’s sickness. 

Here are some of the lyrics to that touching song:  

I know your able and I know you can Save through the fire with your mighty hand But even if you don’t, my hope is you alone.  I know the sorrow and I know the hurt  Would all go away if you just say the word,  But even if you don’t, my hope is you alone. 

I know we are living in life-altering times during this world-wide pandemic, but while we are home with our families, we have the opportunity to instill in them the faithfulness of God.  Parents, teach your children that life is not fair. After all, if it is fair, we would all be destined to eternal hell. Teach them instead to stand on the promises that God will be with us through these trials and difficult times.  

Don’t save your children from conflict, from getting a B in 9th grade, or don't call another parent to work out an issue that teenagers need to navigate. Don’t let them believe God is like Santa Claus just passing out blessings and protecting them from all devastation. Don’t protect your children to the point that when life around them shatters, they don’t have the skills to deal with the hurt, the anguish, and the tears.

  

Life will deal us all a heavy blow, if we live long enough. Let me repeat: Life WILL deal us all a heavy blow. We have to be prepared to handle it and clearing the disappointments from your child’s life doesn’t do him or her any favors. The child needs to develop skills to handle those devastations.   

I wish I could say our family motto is a beautiful Bible verse, but it’s not. It is “Suck it up.” There was not a lot of sugar coating the truth around this house. I always loved them, but I loved them way too much to prop them up on false narratives and empty clichés. If they wanted to succeed, they needed to work hard. If they wanted good grades, I’d help them study, but the result would be because of their hard work, or sometimes lack thereof.  

But these boys – no, men – learned first-hand that life indeed was not fair. Yet, they stood behind their sister’s casket at her funeral, and proclaimed that God is still good while life's situation seemed completely bleak. They knew life was hard, they knew they had to suck it up, but more importantly they knew and know that God's promises are true. God doesn’t rescue us from all our troubles; he holds our hand as we walk through these difficult times together. 

The song continues with   It’s easy to sing  When there’s nothing to bring me down.  What will I say  When I’m held to the flame like I am right now. 

Now, as the fire still smolders around me, I continue to be forged while I proclaim God’s goodness in this life among continuing trials. And I will be forever grateful for a Godly daddy that gave me that example through his own struggles and showed me how to smile when life does not go quite like I planned.  

The Illegitimate Dog

Take a walk through any dog park and somehow it always seems the dogs people choose – or the people dogs choose - resemble each others' attributes. This was the case with Sophia and Mocha, a puppy who has eyes that charm, a magnetic personality, energy abounding, and who never meets a stranger.

And that’s how our tail - I mean tale - of welcoming Mocha into our family begins: never meeting a stranger. Sophia comes in the back door one cold, January night with a friend and the most adorable four-legged critter we had ever seen. With a wrinkly nose and big paws, the tiny puppy wagged her tail as she bounced from person to person begging for attention. It was apparent this dog was well-loved but yearned for continual attention of human interaction.

The story told by Sophia and her friend Jada was they found this black-as-soot dog walking down the center of the dirt road in the dark of night. It was late on Thursday and of course we could not send her back out to fend for herself from the coyotes and weather. I knew something was awry, continually questioning the true origin of this boundless, energetic pup, but the girls - looking dead into my eyes - spoke with authority as if they were speaking the absolute truth.

But moms usually know when lies role off the tongues of their young, and this was one of those times. We kept the puppy overnight with Sophia understanding she was going to have to find the rightful home of this dog. When efforts to post on social media and calling around to the veterinarians was not a priority, it simply confirmed my suspicion that my adorable daughter was a liar!

After not sleeping well for two nights, I was hoping Sophia would come clean with the truth. Matthew, during a car ride to the Davies, was adamant with Sophia that she should tell us the truth. Upon their return that Sunday afternoon, Sophia turned to Richard and me with alligator tears and puppy dog eyes, grabbed our hands in hers and came clean. She said she was sorry for lying to us, and she told us that Mocha was Jada’s dog and she needed a new home.

This relationship that started in deceit has grown into quite a love affair.

We adopted Mocha into our family, but Sophia’s punishment for lying was she now was financially responsible for the beginning vet bills and paying for Mocha to get spayed. While undergoing surgery to not have puppies, the wonderful workers at Quailwood contacted Sophia to see if Mocha needed her eye lids clipped while she was under anesthesia. Being part Shar-Pai, Mocha had battled eye issues and anyone who has tried to give a dog eye drops knows it is not pleasurable. That day Mocha received an eyelid job. I still can’t quite come to grips with how this dog could have plastic surgery before I do.

While the children were young, I could hardly keep up with cleaning after them; no way were animals coming into the home to make more of a mess. Unless it was an iguana or guinea pig in a cage, I was not interested with inside pets. Through they years, our animals' time inside had increased, but Sophia was well aware that no pets were allowed on the bed.

I went to her room one day with Mocha walking close behind me. I stopped just passed the door to ask Sophia, who was reclining on her bed, a question. Mocha did not slow down at the door but trotted around the bed and in a single bound leapt up on the bed. Sophia’s eyes widened as if she’d been caught yet again. It was apparent Mocha had mastered this move long before that day.

Mocha has now grown into her paws, still has the cutest wrinkly nose, and is powerful enough to bound over rows of cotton in a single leap. She goes on adventures with our other geriatric dog Rosie, coming back after many hours or several days. Mocha often times ditches Rosie to venture further than Rosie is comfortable with and recently took a week-long adventure having me rethinking the quality of current restraint measures. After a long day of fun, she also nestles in nightly on her Serta dog mattress in the family room, snoring with great contentment.

Spoiled? Maybe.  Well….yes. She and her bestie Smudge, Sophia’s cat, are now like my Grands. I know it sounds silly, but they are the closest things I will ever have to “children” of Sophia. Here’s hoping both of them have nine lives!

*Pictured above are Mocha and Sophia on their journey to Pensacola to visit cousins Jessie, Andy and lab Vadar.