Running away for Christmas

My anxiety grew as the holidays approached. It was difficult to fill my calendar with activities since my time normally was filled with chorus performances and evenings baking cookies and decorating the house with Sophia.

How could I possibly put up her stocking on the mantle and special ornaments on the tree without falling apart? Do we even continue to do what we have done for years, or do we try to make new traditions?

Let’s just run away. Run away from the tradition of Christmas Eve communion at the church I grew up in and where we got married. Run away from the moderate temperatures of a southern Christmas where shorts many years are appropriate. And run away from Christmas morning where everything is familiar. Maybe if we go far enough away, the hole in our hearts will shrink.

So, we headed to Alaska. Hopefully, in the vastness of that state, our troubles will seem small. Perhaps touring a new state will keep our focus on making new memories. And if I stay off social media, surely I will not notice those complete family photos where it appears all joy abounds.

While normally a place for summer vacation, Alaska is a gorgeous state to spend time in during the winter. We could see snow on the runway when we landed late at night, but when we woke up the next morning, and the sun finally decided to rise around 10:00am, the landscape was covered with the purest of white snow.

Our many activities were filled with laughter and smiles, but we could not escape wishing Sophia were with us. Whether flying in a Cessna, touring a museum, or driving around viewing the mountains, icy water and snow, it was nice being somewhere where no one knew us.

We walked down to a local bakery and ordered while no one was aware of the sadness we carried around. Even the reindeer we visited on Christmas day (who looked tired, by the way) did not seem to sense any unhappiness. We were able to create new memories in the midst of our hurt even while running away with this trip of a lifetime.

“Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine or nakedness, or peril, or sword? For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created things, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:35, 38-39

Just as we could not run away and escape our missing piece of the family, we could never run far enough away to escape the love of Christ. He was with us on our dog sledding trip, while the rest of the family skied, and with us as we shed tears together on Christmas morning.

The emptiness is still great, but we are continually encouraged by the love of Christ and those friends and family who continue to support us in various ways.

I’m praying for a brighter year filled with less heartache and more opportunities to build beautiful memories!  Happy New Year!